OK Santa, This Year, Be a Sport

OK, Santa, you old fraud, come in and have a whiskey sour. Enough with the ho-ho-hoing already. What do you have in the bag? Nothing anybody wants, I’ll guarantee. How would you like to have a real Christmas list? How would you like to put these under the tree this year?

--Give the Dodgers a bullpen.

--Give the Raiders a quarterback.

--Give boxing another Joe Louis.

--Give baseball another Pete Rose.

--Give tennis an American kid with manners.

--Give golf another Jack Nicklaus.

--Give Seoul a boycott-free Olympics.

--Give the Angels a break.

--Give Reggie Jackson one more fastball he can handle with a game or a pennant on the line.

--Give San Diego a defense.

--Give Mike Tyson a test.

--Give Rusty Hilger the football.

--Give Jim Everett experience.

--Give that Green Bay end who slammed Jim McMahon to the ground the gate.

--Give Jim McMahon a little humility.

--Give Doug Flutie a chance.

--Give Green Bay another Vince Lombardi.

--Give anyone another Vince Lombardi.

--Give Gene Mauch another chance to leave Mike Witt in one out from a pennant.

--Give Miami a secondary.

--Give the Giants another Willie Mays.

--Give the Raiders another Cliff Branch.

--Give the Trojans a coach as good as Howard Jones was.

--Give the Trojans a coach as good as Ted Tollner was.

--Give Ivan Lendl a smile.

--Give Boris Becker a backhand.

--Give the America’s Cup an American challenger in the final.

--Give Larry Bird the ball at the buzzer needing a basket.

--Give Magic Johnson an open man with the game on the line.

--Give Michael Jordan a team.

--Give Sugar Ray Leonard a diagram showing all the money a tin cup can hold.

--Give New England Patriot Coach Raymond Berry the credit he deserves.

--Give us another playoff and World Series like last year’s.

--Give Dwight Gooden a new crowd to hang out with.

--Give the Chicago Cubs a pennant. Let them get the Red Sox in the World Series.

--Give California racing another Swaps.

--Give Kareem Abdul-Jabbar another crack at the Celtics.

--Give the Lakers Ralph Sampson.

--Give Michael Cooper position on a guy with the clock running down and the Lakers ahead by two.

--Give the Clippers the last rites.

--Give college football another Bear Bryant.

--Give the designated hitter back to whoever thought it up.

--Give Marcel Dionne the puck in a Stanley Cup final and a corner of the net open.

--Give the baseball owners a straight face when they tell you they can’t use a Jack Morris, who has won 125 games in 7 years, when they paid and are paying millions to guys who can’t go four innings.

--Give Lee Trevino a 10-foot putt to win the Masters, he’ll take it from there.

--Give me one more look at an Elroy Hirsch or Tom Fears going out for a long one, or a film of Louis with his man in trouble and on the ropes, or Koufax one out away from a no-hitter.

--Give Nolie Ryan a World Series start.

--Give Eric Dickerson a Super Bowl and just a couple of trap blocks near midfield with the score tied.

--Give Marcus Allen same as above.

--Give every single sports fan on this day a seat on the 50, season ticket, a winning home team, straight putts, a handful of aces and blue chips all through the rest of his life. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good life.