Great Licks and Lyrics Among Top 12

Critics get to do these roundup stories to point out stuff you might have missed in the last year, and also to show you that we actually do work. Well, sort of. So in 1996 the local rock scene was more of the same, only less. There seem to be as many bands as ever, but with fewer releases and even fewer places to play.

Without further exposition, here are the top dozen local releases from 1996, starting with the best:

NERF HERDER

“Nerf Herder” My Records

This is one of the great local efforts of this or any year. This Santa Barbara trio does that pop-punk thing that’s all the rage these days, plus the group writes hilarious songs. Nerf Herder can more than hold its own with other popular goofball rockers such as the Ziggens, the Uninvited and the Presidents of the United States. “Sorry,” in which the singer apologizes for about 10 million transgressions, is about the best song of the year. “Sorry I showed up at your party . . . sorry I drank up all your Bacardi . . . sorry I had sex with your sister . . . sorry I crashed through your window on acid . . .” Arista Records won’t be sorry, though. They recently signed the band, which will leave on tour with Weezer later this month. There are also funny songs about Van Halen, a hooker hangout in Santa Barbara, and girls with nose rings. A classic.

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TOM BALL & KENNY SULTAN

“Double Vision” Flying Fish

“Who drank my beer when I was in the rear? Point me out that moocher. I’m gonna dislocate his future . . .” So sings a disgruntled beer swiller who left at the wrong time.

Ball & Sultan have been around for about 15 years and have made five albums, all of them full of obscure (and usually very funny) acoustic blues songs. “Double Vision,” however, is almost all originals, including their best ever, “Perfect Woman,” about a great lady who owns a chain of liquor stores, has Dodgers season tickets, is built like Dolly Parton and even lets him hold the remote. Does she have any sisters?

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BLIMP

“Vinyl Luxury Liner” X-Static Records

Blimp is a three-piece folk outfit that fuses the songs of Dave Girtsman with impeccable musicianship by Loren and Jeff Evans. Girtsman, you may recall, is a veteran of Plato’s Cat and the Mudheads. “That’s All” and “Chosen One” are memorable on this intricate, smartly done effort.

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BLUE STEW

“Long Gone” Main St. Records

“Long Gone” is get-down, meat-and-potatoes rockin’ blues by some veteran local players who entertain every weekend at Hi Cees in the Ventura Harbor. Most of the songs are originals, and “High Roller” is the serious foot tapper on this one. Blue Stew is another band that was around for a long time before they ever made a CD, despite making many fans.

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EXTRACT “Broken Dream”

Marjorie Extract has about the best voice of any local singer, sort of like Patsy Cline on steroids. Her band does the country-rock thing with a little bit of surf music thrown in for good measure. When Extract purrs “Don’t Waste My Time,” the speakers begin to sweat and guys within a 12-block radius start to get jittery. Formerly called J.D.’s Last Ride, this is another of those why-ain’t-they-rich-yet bands.

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GRANITE TAPESTRY “Granite Tapestry”

This band was playing at a Fourth of July celebration in Goleta when I snagged a copy of their CD at gunpoint (I had been taking part in a nearby Civil War reenactment). Anyway, it’s straight folk smartly done, with precise musicianship. They update and even improve Donovan’s sad song from way back, “Catch the Wind.” Even mom would like this one.

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MAJORITY DOG “Nevada”

“Nevada” is a 17-song epic that totals over an hour of music from the most famous band in all of Newbury Park. Three-part harmonies by front man Brian Wurschum and the Hoffman sisters, April and Laurel, make this band memorable. It’s folk rock, more or less, but sometimes Wurschum kicks in a wicked guitar solo just to liven things up. “Pinnokio,” which demonstrates that there are no spelling bee champs in this band (but no lawsuits), and “Mister Night” are the rockers on this one. The DOG band usually plays a couple of times a month in the county.

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MELBORNE MOON

“Planet Life” Merry Crow

This is the third CD by singer-songwriter Melborne Moon, who once upon a time lived far away in Mariposa before relocating to Goleta. Accompanying himself on piano or guitar, Moon has a great, clear voice and tons of ruined-relationship songs. The best one is “Do Me a Favor,” a song guaranteed to make Miss Wrong, known to have the sentiment of a scalpel, laugh her fool head off. Oh well, it’s the thought that counts. Moon is sort of like Harry Nilsson-meets-Elton John and has penned around 60 originals, which is a lot. He usually plays Cafe Voltaire in Ventura a couple of times a month.

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PAPA-NATA

“Destination” PoFolk Records

More or less what’s left of Lion I’s, Papa-Nata is keyboard player Guy Jeans and his musical pals doing that reggae, ska, rock and world-beat thing. They play every Thursday at Bombay and the place goes off, especially when Papa-Nata plays its theme song, “Beer in My Hand,” which usually describes three-fourths of the people there.

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PRIMITIVE RADIO GODS

“Rocket” Columbia

The Gods began as a single deity (Chris O’Connor), who had a big hit with “Standing Outside a Broken Phone Booth With Money in My Hand,” featuring a B. B. King sample and a surreal video. O’Connor made this album at home in his spare time, mailed it out cold and miraculously got signed. He resurrected his old band, the I-Rails, plus an extra guitar player and took the show on the road. Now they’re back, working on another album.

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SKA DADDYZ “Pick It Up”

These Silver Strand party boys had a good year--fewer than five of them were in trouble with the cops--and they finally released their debut CD after years of vague threats. There have been something like 28 different members in the band, which partly explains the delay. This one has all their dance-floor clogging favorites on it, including their biggie, “She Likes to Party,” which features a searing guitar solo by Darren “Zorba” Cruz. This band seems to play every weekend at the Bombay Bar & Grill in Ventura.

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STALAG

“Conviction” Edge Records

First formed in the early ‘80s, Stalag recently re-formed to play some punk rock cranked up to warp speed. No ballads, no heartfelt dramas, no whiners. Just in-your-face power all the way from Oxnard, where they still don’t want you to surf if you’re from a different ZIP code.

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As for live action, the dozen bands mentioned above put on exemplary shows. So don’t miss them just to stay home and watch “The X-Files.” That’s why mom bought you that VCR for Christmas. Also, the usual suspects continue to be worth checking out: Raging Arb & the Redheads, Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, Spencer the Gardener, the Upbeat, Finnhead, Cocktails From Hell, Conscious Souls, the Tearaways, the Guy Martin Group, Southern Cross, the Rincon Ramblers, Fearless Vampire Killers and Randy Rich & the Ravens. And Raging Arb even spawned a new band, Signicci, that knows their old Rolling Stones.

The vast majority of these bands are unsigned, but unappreciated does not mean untalented. It does mean affordable, however. At live shows, most of these bands are five bucks or less. The local rock scene remains vibrant, varied, loud and cheap. And that works for me.