Week Whatever, and He Has the Answers

Gee, T.J. Simers, what are you going to do with your time now that your beloved Dallas Con-boys have been knocked out by the “no-name” Carolina Panthers, as you so tactfully phrased it last Saturday. Never fear, sir, for I have five tips to occupy your time and dull your pain:

1. Ditch your copy of the Cowboy’s theme song “My Way” and learn the words to the runaway hit “Da Packer Polka”.

2. Help Michael Irvin rehabilitate his injured shoulder so he won’t drop the Super Bowl MVP trophy when he hands it to Reggie White.

3. Blame your one-sided Dallas propaganda on your evil twin brother, “Tex” Simers.

4. Three words: Bratwurst! Bratwurst! Bratwurst!

5. And finally, as you watch the Packers hoist the Lombardi Trophy, remember this: a little bit of pure Wisconsin cheese always makes that crow and humble pie a bit easier to swallow.

ZACHARY HENKLE

Orange