LAUGH LINES

Getting the Buzz: “According to a White House spokesman, President Clinton did some last-minute Christmas shopping on the Internet. It wasn’t clear who Clinton was shopping for, but he purchased a fancy shaving kit with a top-of-the-line razor, so it must have been Madeleine Albright.” (Craig Kilborn)

Looking for a Place to Sit: “Hillary Clinton’s friends told reporters she hasn’t yet purchased any furniture for their new home in suburban New York. She’s always slow at these kinds of things. It took her seven years to pick out a Senate seat.” (Argus Hamilton)

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The Essential

David Letterman

Top Signs the Stress

Is Getting to Santa

10. He’s begun selling elves on EBay.

9. Giving every child in world a broken Slinky and a card that reads, “Go nuts.”

8. Complaining that he’s a grown man “surrounded by midgets and red-nosed donkeys.”

7. In a quiet ceremony, converted to Islam.

6. Has been making personal appearances wearing Mrs. Claus’ red velvet gown.

1. He’s down to 530 pounds.

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