Helping the Other Victims of Family Violence -- Kids

When a woman is beaten by her husband or boyfriend, she may not be the only victim.

There are the children, who, if they haven’t been attacked themselves, may suffer the emotional trauma of watching their father beat their mother. They may come to think that violence is an appropriate way to solve problems, or at least the way you’re supposed to relate to the opposite sex.

That’s why Laura’s House, the only shelter for battered women in south Orange County, requires children 6 to 18 to take part in its Kids’ Club -- Therapeutic After-School Program.

“When you’re living in a household where all day there is screaming, yelling, fighting, how would you feel as a kid when you live in that household?” asked Shahla Zandbiglari, the program director. “This is how they feel when they get here.”

Women can live 45 days at Laura’s House, where they are given counseling, legal assistance and a safe place to stay. They can stay an additional 90 days in another location and continue the program.

The women often bring their children. Those 2 to 5 attend a preschool program. The older children are required to attend Kids’ Club, which includes counseling, drug prevention, anger management, self-esteem bolstering and homework help.

The mothers also must take part in the program, learning how to help with their children’s homework and how to cope with their children’s anger and frustration.

The after-school program received a $15,000 grant this year from the Los Angeles Times Holiday Campaign, which raises money for nonprofit organizations in Los Angeles, Orange, Riverside, San Bernardino and Ventura counties.

The idea is to break the cycle of violence so children won’t repeat their parents’ mistakes. That doesn’t just mean that boys learn that men shouldn’t hit women. The girls learn that’s not the way things are supposed to be.

“If you see your mom putting up with abuse, you figure that’s how the relationship is supposed to be,” Zandbiglari said.

The children see counselors individually, usually once a week, and in groups.

Part of the program includes the acting troupe Stop-Gap, which performs a vignette that aids in discussion: “How might you deal with the situation?” children may be asked.

Denise Cuthbertson, a marriage and family therapy intern, said children enter the program afraid. They quickly open up and look forward to the sessions, even asking if they can see her on days they aren’t scheduled to do so.

“It’s a place where they can feel safe, talk of their feelings, air their confusions,” she said.

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HOW TO GIVE

The annual Holiday Campaign is part of the Los Angeles Times Family Fund, a fund of the McCormick Tribune Foundation, which this year will match the first $800,000 raised at 50 cents on the dollar.

Donations (checks or money orders) supporting the Holiday Campaign should be sent to: L.A. Times Holiday Campaign, File 56986, Los Angeles, CA 90074-6986.

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