Experience Says Dodgers Are on Road to Nowhere

SAN DIEGO — The volume was up on the TVs in the Dodger clubhouse before the game, presumably to drown out the whimpering, but I found it curious how the guys had elected to motivate themselves after eight losses in a row.

They were watching the movie, “Black Hawk Down,” and when I arrived, Spc. John Thomas was talking on the screen to Staff Sgt. Jeff Struecker.

“I can’t go back out there,” Thomas moaned, and it was like talking to one of the Dodgers.

Struecker, presumably playing the role of Jeff Kent, then got into Thomas’ face and said, “Everyone feels the same way you do, all right?”

Then the shooting started, a group of American soldiers on the TV doing their best, but eventually they were outmanned -- and I would imagine Kent was thinking to himself: Those soldiers could probably relate to the sacrifices and suffering we have to go through every day playing baseball.

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I KNOW what it’s like to chat with Mr. Chuckles, so I’m not surprised that third base umpire Dan Iassogna threw Kent out of the game in the sixth inning. I’m shocked it took him that long.

I also know from personal experience when Mr. Chuckles gives you that half-smile, it’s a signal that he’s about to say something vile or degrading, and apparently some umpires are not keen on hearing someone say something vile or degrading.

Now in this case I can understand why Kent was so angry, but I thought he should have taken it out on teammate Antonio Perez or the Micro Manager.

The Micro Manager had Perez, who had failed to put down a successful bunt with runners on first and second a night earlier, come off the bench -- that’s come off the bench -- to replace Hee-Seop Choi and try the same thing.

His poor bunt once again resulted in Kent’s being forced out at third, although Mr. Chuckles seemed to think he was safe. It took two coaches and a couple of umpires to restrain Mr. Chuckles from going after Iassogna, and you can see what happens when you don’t agree with the guy.

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IT’S ALMOST impossible, of course, to find anyone in the Dodger clubhouse these days with a pulse. Derek Lowe remains the exception, although I guess you also could say Kent showed some life. One thing that sets Lowe apart from everyone else, though, is that he has a personality.

A year ago he played on a team that won the World Series; this year he has gone to the outhouse.

“The biggest difference is experience,” Lowe said. “You have a lot of guys here who are learning how to play and win at the same time. When we had a player get hurt in Boston, we replaced him with a veteran.”

The Red Sox were also known for having fun, calling themselves the “idiots,” and can you imagine the look on Kent’s face if someone said he was an “idiot”?

“You have to understand two things about this team,” Lowe said. “Two of our biggest stars are quiet guys [Kent and J.D. Drew]. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, but we also have eight or nine young guys playing a lot and they are not going to be boisterous, so we’re not going to have a jubilant clubhouse.”

Brad Penny, who won a World Series in Florida, said, “The dugout is even quiet. It was different for us. We played together for five years and loved each other.”

Most of these guys are still waiting to talk to Drew for the first time.

A year ago, fueled in part by chemistry and a boisterous and jubilant clubhouse, the Dodgers played over their heads. General Manager Paul DePodesta, however, changed all that, and now that it has become clear the team isn’t going to spend the money to field an experienced team, he’s going to continue shuffling stiffs.

The Boston Parking Lot Attendant, who promised from the start to have a $100-million payroll, has yet to deliver. More than that, take away the money being paid to Darren Dreifort and Shawn Green, and the payroll is less than $75 million. How does it feel being duped?

Now it appears the Dodgers are getting what they paid for in a lousy division just waiting to be taken. The Padres, losers of 12 of 15 recently, currently dominate, and they aren’t very good. With the game on the line, the best they could do was call on a pinch-hitter just recalled from the minors.

The baseball being played right now is so bad, it’s good for the Dodgers, who remain kicking for that reason. Any sign of life, and the season still might not be over.

As one more reminder, here’s hoping they have “Apocalypse Now” on TV when they arrive at the ballpark for today’s finale in San Diego.

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I’M NOT sure what the price of admission is, but the Los Angeles Sports & Entertainment Commission is sponsoring the third annual NFL 101/201, Tuesday in the Grand Ballroom at Hollywood & Highland (5 p.m.), featuring the return of executives from the Rams and Raiders who were instrumental in helping those teams move out of town.

I would imagine John Shaw (Rams) and Amy Trask (Raiders) will receive a standing ovation.

Tickets are available through the LASEC, and I’d urge anyone who attends to ask Shaw to tell the story about Georgia Frontiere, former husband Dominic and the Super Bowl tickets they stuffed under their mattress, which eventually led to Dominic’s going to jail. Shaw loves telling that story -- you just have to ask.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Gregg:

“Not only are you an idiot, but you’re a bad writer. The Dodgers play hard, Kent plays hard and your criticism is misguided and disgusting. Who are you? You’ve never thrown a pitch in a big league ballgame or swung a bat at a 90 mph fastball. You’re just a miserable old man.”

Then you would think I’d get along better with Kent.

T.J. Simers can be reached at [email protected]. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.