Diamond ring symbolizes couple’s undying division

CHICAGO — In December, Richard Phebus knelt on one knee and slipped a $48,000 diamond engagement ring on his girlfriend’s finger.

But “ever after” soon turned to “nevermore” as the Illinois couple went through an acrimonious breakup in late February. Things got so nasty that Phebus went to court, claiming that his former fiancee had refused to return the 5.03 carats of bling and had threatened to sell the ring.

A judge eventually ordered Renee Mingilino, 43, to return the ring, and on April 4 she signed court papers giving up her rights to the pear-shaped diamond.

All of which was a relief to Phebus, 43, president of a trade exhibit company.

“She’s emotional -- I didn’t want her to do something silly out of anger,” Phebus said, adding that he’d never given a woman such an expensive item. “I loved her. It’s [hard] looking back on it. Quite frankly, this is a sad thing for me.”

Mingilino said Phebus needn’t have worried. She said she held onto the ring initially only because Phebus wrote her a letter telling her to keep it.

“He can have his ring ... ,” said Mingilino, a mother of four who says she’s now dating someone else. “Just seeing my name on the same paperwork with this guy is enough to make me want to vomit. I don’t want anything to do with that ring; I don’t want anything to do with that guy.”

Not only did Mingilino return the ring, she dumped the $6,500 Roberto Cavalli wedding dress she had bought with her daughter’s credit card on Phebus’ doorstep with a note that read: “Your loss.”

Mingilino is asking Phebus to return her grandmother’s diamond earrings and a chocolate fountain she bought for a party. But she said she wouldn’t take him to court over them.

On March 22, Phebus filed his lawsuit in Will County Circuit Court. Associate Judge Bobbi Petrungaro that same day ordered that the ring be returned.

Mingilino said her 11-year-old son became hysterical when a deputy showed up to get the ring; he thought his mother was about to be arrested. She said she’d put the ring in a safe-deposit box.

In Illinois, when an engagement is called off by both parties, the person who gives an engagement ring is typically entitled to get it back. Vann vs. Vehrs, a 1994 decision by the 2nd District Court of Appeals on a DuPage County case, was the first time a state appellate court took up the issue, said attorney Terry Slaw.

Slaw represented Cindy Vehrs, who was ordered to return her engagement ring after the court ruled that it was not a gift and that the so-called heart-balm statute -- which prohibits civil lawsuits over a broken promise to marry -- did not apply to this case. “I still don’t agree with the decision, but it’s been the law for 13 years,” he said.

Slaw said he wanted to appeal to the state Supreme Court, but his client decided to drop the case. He said he still gets calls from lawyers all over the country asking about that case.

Phebus and Mingilino met on Match.com and started trading e-mails around Thanksgiving 2005. They met in person in January 2006 but parted in July. The couple got back together in late November and talked of marriage.

The lawsuit said they were engaged on Dec. 16, but Mingilino claims that Phebus got the date wrong, and that it was actually Dec. 22. Phebus said he didn’t remember the name of the restaurant where he proposed; his former fiance said it was Lorenzo’s Italian Steakhouse in Aurora, Ill.

In February, the couple went to see a Christian counselor and agreed during the session that they would break up.

Mingilino said she told Phebus then that she would return the ring, but the next day he sent her a letter telling her to keep it. When he later asked for it back, she wouldn’t give it to him in person because she didn’t trust him, she said. She wanted to return it at a store with a jeweler present to certify that it was the ring -- otherwise, she said, she feared he would claim she still had it.

Phebus said he wished that issue could have been resolved without the lawsuit and regretted that their relationship didn’t work out.

He hasn’t decided what to do with the engagement ring. He said he let Mingilino keep two wedding bands, which his lawsuit said contained 93 diamonds weighing 1.87 carats and appraised at $8,000. But Mingilino said she returned the wedding bands along with the dress.

“Did I jump the gun or whatever? It’s all in hindsight at this point,” Phebus said of the failed relationship. “I just think we just had different personalities. We both expected each other to change more than the other one wanted to change.”