Poet who found fame with ‘Shorty’ to throw ‘Big Small Penis Party’

It’s not the size of the poem, it’s how you use it.

Or so British poet Ant Smith might have you believe. After the writer’s long ode to his not-so-long penis, “Shorty,” became a big hit, he decided to use his poem to help other men in the same rowboat. UPI reports that Smith is throwing a “Big Small Penis Party” in London, which he hopes will “prove that life’s just too SHORT to be hung up on the LITTLE things.”

Smith’s poem “Shorty,” much of which is unprintable in The Times (it can be found in its graphic, not-safe-for-work entirety here), celebrates the virtues of men with petite endowments:

“So for anyone who feels small

Let me reassure you all ...

You no longer have to let it

Be the measure of the man ...”

Smith wrote about the poem last year in The Independent, confessing: “The first time I performed the poem was horrible for me. On the journey to the venue, I blushed and reddened just thinking about what was to come. On stage, I spat the words out like bullets to a stunned room.”

The “Big Small Penis Party” will feature comedians, musicians and naked poets, Smith says. It’s not just restricted to men with miniature endowments -- women are welcome provided they give a donation, and men will be admitted for a cover charge of “50p [about 77 cents] per claimed phallic inch.”

A website for the soiree urges would-be party-goers: “If you BELIEVE Body Shaming is evil, If you BELIEVE all men (and women!) are born equal, If you BELIEVE in a damned good night out, come join us in this celebration.” (Here’s a link to the party website, which includes explicit drawings).

The Big Small Penis Party will be held on March 7 at The Rhythm Factory in London. Those curious about the event should be warned: The party’s website notes that the event will be filmed for a documentary, and “will contain nudity.”