The real Hollywood 101

Rehab Cures All: It’s not just for drug addicts anymore. Is your star a raging homophobe? An anti-Semite? This is not nearly as big a problem as you might think. A tearful press release and a month at Promises Malibu will take care of it.  (Ronaldo Schemidt AFP/Getty Images)

The Many Meanings of “Sick”: Sometimes “I can’t come to work today because I have appendicitis,” means, “I’m having a surgery to remove my inflamed appendix.” Sometimes it means, “I –‘ed too much last night and I don’t feel like making movies today.”  (Frazer Harrison / Getty Images)

What “Yes” Means: In other businesses, your word is your bond. In Hollywood, your word is something you use to fill up the dead space until your yellowtail roll arrives. When a Hollywood donor tells you, “Yes. Absolutely. You can count on me!” what they mean is “Lemme look into that. I gotta see if my deal’s getting re-upped and the construction bill on our new second story is getting out of control. My people have your number right?”  (Ricardo DeAratanha / LAT)

Expect to See More Actors in Politics. Actors may not as a whole make up the sharpest box of pencils, but they’ve learned over the years that if it walks like a politician and talks like a politician then the American public will vote for it and walking and talking like politicians is no problem for them—they’re actors!  (Robert Durell / LAT)